A Victorious Defeat

I calculated my odds of successfully horking the planet's supply of Christmas decorations and came to the conclusion that I would not be able to do so in the given time frame.

I decided my second best option would be to put a dent in the morale of corporate giant, Wal-mart.

Keeping up with my current theme, I went to my local Wal-mart and picked up a string of multi-colored Christmas lights. My evil plan was to over-pay for my lights and, get this, throw off their books! Thus causing managerial panic and mass lay-offs like nothing this company had ever seen! I took nine trips through the store and each time the checker caught the $20 bill placed discreetly between the two smaller bills. But on the tenth trip, the tenth trip, the doped up teenager took the money without counting and placed it into the drawer! I raised my fists in jubilation and walked from that building with a laugh of pride, a laugh... of victory. Thoughts of the ensuing corporate overhaul were more than enough to make my insides jump with joy.

I suffered a ruptured kidney and that is why I write to you from this broken hospital bed.

Broken hospital bed.